All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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