i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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