Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
