I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
