Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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