I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
