8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
