So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
