let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
