wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize