I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
