just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't turn off my feet"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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