ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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