Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
