threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
