You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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