Kiss
Puke
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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