You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
