i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
