No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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