There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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