My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize