I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
