im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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