remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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