I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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