some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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