i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
