Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
