I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
