The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
