i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
