I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
