she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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