You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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