do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
