My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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