Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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