I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
