I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
