we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
