So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize