your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want nice things and good sex
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
