Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
