Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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