...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
