Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
