so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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