he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
