so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
