Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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