were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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