Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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