If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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