my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
