you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
