You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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