i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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