Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i believe in u and ur pee
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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