she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
