If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
