I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
