I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize