I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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