You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
