I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
