haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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