my mouth tastes like poor choices
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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