My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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