What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
