I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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