If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
