i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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