and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
