Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
