May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
