saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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