Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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