I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize