I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
