You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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