I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
